So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
