Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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