i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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