It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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