Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
