Where is the hickey?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
