I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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