I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
thus making me awesome and them whores
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
