He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
