foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
