Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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