If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
