how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
