i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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