I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
