shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
