I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
it was like having sex with a tree stump
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
