Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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