Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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