Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
