what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
