In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I touched a dick in church today
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
