I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
