I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
