Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
