yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
