So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
