You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
