I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
