he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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