Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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