I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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