she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
