I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I cockslap morals
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
