So drunk its hurt
Your tits are I can't wait for
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
