he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
