Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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