Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
