I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
