you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
