I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
