He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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