I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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