it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
