I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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