WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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