Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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