Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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