Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
