Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
