seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
