I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
