I love having hate sex.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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