Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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