Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
