i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Oh god it's open bar.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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