He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
honey bunches of taint.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
