she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
