I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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