Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
