i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
