I love black thongs
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
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