The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
